I was reading a yahoo group that I am a member of while gone. The topic was corruption and liability in adoptions. The topic was becoming very heated. Many people on the bd felt that as adoptive parents or adoptive parents in process we are helping to fuel the corruption that the adoption trade brings to country programs by in fact adopting. Many issues were raised that I wont bring up here, but it did make me stop and think. Hard. What was my reasons for wanting a baby girl? I think for our family it is the right fit. I think each family when adopting should have the right to chose gender. Maybe not for a first child...I dont know? Should we demand super fast referrals?No. That is asking for trouble. BUT can we be blamed for wanting our babies home? No. It is hard. For me the referral brings joy and saddness. For my new child, my thoughts are for all they have lost to become my child. With my daughter Boo's referral I was so happy, and so sad. I couldnt imagine how sad her birthmom must have been. I hurt for her. With my new child I will be so happy to see her sweet face but also so sad for all she has lost (one or both parents?plus her birth country and family members) to become my child. Adoption is amazing and wonderful and sad and tragic. I think it is important that we do not lose sight of all the complexities involved. While adopting from Guatemala my agency referred as many baby boys as girls. Many parents requested baby boys either for their first child or in addition to their families. Yes overall baby boys do wait longer. It is sad and wrong but a fact. I think it is unfair to blame lack of ethics in SOME adoption professionals on parents hoping for a child. Chosing a child for your family is a personal choice. Like many things in this world this too is a very complex issue. I wish there were not conditions that made children orphans. I wish mothers had every resource needed to raise their children. I wish no child or adult went to bed hungry only to wake up hungry again in the morning. Sadly that is not the case. Is throwing the baby out with the bath water so to speak the answer ? No it isnt...bottom line-what is BEST for the child?
5 comments:
Great post! These issues weigh heavily on my mind as well. I have also chosen to adopt two girls, one an infant and one an older child. I get upset when I read of parents requesting a caucasian child when adopting domestically or from countries where some of the children are caucasian but then I think that request is no different than requesting gender or age. These are very tough issues. As you said, it should ultimately be about what is best for the child.
Kerri and Ruby
Well said. I too am thinking a lot about what I've been reading and it makes me very sad and my head is spinning sometimes.
I too struggled with whether I was being selfish specifying a girl. But, I knew this would be my only child and I had to follow my heart. And my heart was right.
Hello I found your blog through another fellow blogger and I would love to link you...I live in Florida too about 20 minutes from Disney..
We are researching Ethiopia adoptions and I would love to chat with you more..
If you would like to email me at adoptingmom @ yahoo. com without spaces of coarse..
Thanks
Hi Maria. I am so happy to hear that somebody so close to me is going to be adopting a baby from Ethiopia from our same agency. By the way, I love AGCI. It will be so nice if our babies can know each other and be friends. If there is anything that I can help you with during the process just let me know. I will be more than happy to help you. I am not on listserv because it was too much for me but my e-mail is vdavila1@tampabay.rr.com.
Absolutely. I know all Abby has lost in moving countries and losing her birthmother, I htnk of it daily. However, I do believe we are giving her the life of a princess and so much more than she would have gotten if she would have been adopted in Guatemala. (Since it was impossible for her bmom to parent anyway).
And requesting gender? Being with FTC as long as we have, we know that no baby goes without being adopted (that FTC gets). It is a personal choice and for me, well, after 5 boys, I was gettin my girl ;)
Seegal
Post a Comment