Family 2013

Family 2013
Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The post I NEVER thought I would write :(

Im just going to jump right to it. If you are on Reeces Rainbow.org or facebook with me- well you know my heartbreak.

If not here goes-

I started to feel very uneasy about our adoption of Baby Anna about a month ago but I pushed the feelings away. I was becoming more and more uneasy and not sure why. It is not that I am "overwhelmed" or "need to focus on my kids at home" or that its "time to spend money on the kids I have" nope. nada. So please, dont go there.
I prayed and prayed and slowly the answer was coming to me. I have NEVER felt this way thru our 4 adoptions. Never. I would ache to get to my babies. I would always say it would be ok. The money will come. They are meant to be ours. '
But as time passed those feelings were not there :( Baby Anna is beautiful and perfect and I know she would have been a beautiful member of our family.
After praying and soul searching and confiding in my husband and a very good friend, I had my answer.

I was not meant to be Baby Anna's mama. I am just a part of her journey to her forever family. I cried. My heart broke. And we let her go...........
I cried. Boo cried. It hurt so so bad . But it has never been about me. Its about the children who desperately need to be rescued. It about bringing Glory to God.

I never ever thought I could do this. It is awful and sad and so wrong to walk away from a child. Where does it say its ok to leave an orphan behind in the bible? :(
But-

Less than 24 hours later her new family found her. The Hagler family have 2 bio boys and are adopting a little boy with Down syndrome from the same orphanage that baby anna is in. She will be a princess in her new family and be loved SO MUCH. They are traveling early next week. She will be a daughter very soon. Baby Anna we will always love you and cant wait to watch you blossom in your new family !

Was that a sign? Maybe. I have to believe it was. I have to .

I know we will adopt again, maybe soon, maybe next year. This wasnt planned but the Lord has a way of knowing the right path for all of us. I have to trust HIM even when I dont understand.


For everyone that so kindly donated to our adoption, thank you!
If you donated to Reeces Rainbow all the money went straight to baby anna.

If you donated via my chip in or check let me know if you would like your donation returned. I will happily.

If you would like your donation to go to baby anna or another child on RR just let me know and I will paypal it to andrea at RR.

If you mailed a check, I havent cashed them. Would you like it forwarded to RR or torn up ? Let me know.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. This was a very heart breaking thing to do. Something I suffered over and am still so sad about. Our journey is not over and Baby Anna's life is about to really begin ! GOD is so good.

My email -  octpumpkinatmsndotcom :)
Hugs!
xoxo

13 comments:

Gretchen Thibault said...

Blessings Maria.

A hard decision....but praise God. Anna is on her way to her forever family.

God can write straight with crooked lines...

Rachel said...

I so admire your decision to obey the Lord's leading--even when you do not understand--His ways are perfect. Letting go is sometimes the most unselfish thing we can do. I had a similar situation recently with a child I had been hoping to adopt. It is hard--but just like in your case, after making the decision to let go, the Lord began to work. I am choosing to trust that God will do His best for this child whom I will always love. If you want to hear my story, let me know...and I will email you and link you to my semi-private blog.

Hugs!
Rachel
adventuresinthephilippines.blogspot.com
findingmissingpieces.blogspot.com

Tisha said...

Oh Maria, I am so so sorry. I can't imagine how much pain you were in letting her go, but I believe it is a total GOD thing that another family came forward 24 hours later. What a blessing for your hurting heart. I love you and please know I am here for you. HUGS!

Rochelle said...

May God continue to bless you and your family. Such a very hard thing. Thank you for sharing with all us RR families. God had it planned, thank you for hearing and obeying his call.

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

My heart aches for you....but know that God's love will sustain you through this hard decision....sometimes we don't know why, but we know our God and that is enough!!! PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bobbie said...

Hugs and prayers for comfort to you and your family.

eastiopians said...

It takes a lot of faith and strength to make those kinds of decisions and to listen with a clear mind...absent of your own agenda. I know you must be heart-broken but also hopeful in following the path you are supposed to follow and to watch her beautiful life blossom. Big hugs to you friend! I felt the same mixed emotions about Dillon, but I realized that I had a clear goal of being the person to help raise money to find his perfect family and to pray for him and raise awareness and that I was not meant to be his mommy although I desperately wanted it...it feels good to watch that all unfold now. I hope your pain is lifted soon.

Theresa

missy said...

i am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. but i praise god that you have sensed him leading you. you are obviously so tender and responsive to him. though not her destination,you were a part of anna's journey. many blessings to your family.

Kim said...

I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this decision must have been, but you did the right thing. Praying for you...

Sylvia said...

Such a hard thing to do - my heart goes out to you all. How wonderful that you played a part in God's plan for Anna - nothing is an accident in His plan. blessings

Jo's Corner said...

I SO don't want you to be hurting so badly. I can imagine that it is similar to a miscarriage, although you can't compare that type of pain. But, I have to say that the fact that a family stepped up so quickly was confirmation from our Lord. You didn't feel like this adoption was for your family...you sought out G*d and a friend and talked with your Hubby. And, as soon as you "Let Go and Let G*d", it all became clear.
I just Love your Sweet, Sweet Heart, Maria! I am looking forward to watching your Precious family as you all continue to grown in Love and Faith! Hufs ~ Jo

Sarah said...

I know your heart is sad, but the truth is sometimes the road does not lead where we expect. Anna is going home forever, and you have been a part of getting her there.

Thank you for letting us know the latest.
God bless you all!

Angie said...

oh ria,
mi amiga... God has allowed you to walk through this trial to grow you, even though sometimes growing is hard... in the end, following HIS plan will always bring true peace. will continue to pray for baby Anna as she is soon united with her forever family.

love you, check your email!
ang

"...Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows that we know, and holds us responsible to ACT..." Proverbs 24:12

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -(Mahatma Gandhi)