Freedom day-leaving all the familiar ,facing reality

 checking out HIS new clothes

 He wanted to just take the bag and leave. He didnt realize he had to leave his "old skin" behind. In the orphanage you leave with literally the skin on your body. Old clothes, down to underwear and socks you can not take. All new clothes to start a new life.

 A man we see eating out of the dumpster every few days. I share this to be sure you remember this COULD BE THE FUTURE of many of the orphans who age out of the orphanage. If they dont have a drive to learn a skill or career, if they fall victim to abuse or alchol , this will be them. It is a sad everyday site. Eating out of dumpster to LIVE.

 Look at how skinny his leg is at 8 1/2 years old. He is one skinny kid.

 Sasha got to play with his buddy little A one last time. Really sweet kid. I am praying his forever family finds him. Everyday in this envirorment damages these kids horribly.

 Wide eyed driving in the Machina! He chanted Machina, machina ,machina as every . car. passed :)

 

 

 Relaxing for a minute with Giana

 Celebrating Sasha's Gotcha day with friends out to dinner :):)
Halya, our facilitator, Lindy and Guy House, Me and Giana, sasha , then Wil and His new son, Laura his wife, Sergey their translator and their other new son is on the end, hidden :)

Halya and us :)

I would LOVE to tell you Sasha fell asleep dreaming happy dream all peaceful his first night . But that would be a huge lie.
He struggled horribly. He was scared, and mad, and totally freaked out. It was awful. Awful. Did I say awful???
He rocked, and stimmed, and bit his hands, he banged his head over and over hard! He spit at me, he hit me, and he picked his nose and tried to wipe it on me while growling like a crazy person. He pooped in his pants.

Too much info?
Sorry.

This is the reality.


These beautiful awesome kids are broken and scared. They have zero coping skille. Zero life or family skills. He cant understand me. He has been abused and neglected. Every single sound or smell or sight totally and completely overwhelms his senses.

Around midnight I begged my facilitator Halya to take him to her room. I was scared and so freaked out. I could NOT help him to relax.
She could. He slept. Finally after midnight....

Happy first night free.

Things were much the same the second night. I have been blessed with amazing new friends. Wil and his wife offered to come over and help me. He prayed over Sasha and spoke powerful affirming words over him, all while being in the throws of a battle. It was tough. But it helped to ease Sashas fears.
Now bedtime is NOT a scary battle. He lays down, we read, look at his photo album and pray. He rocks and stims but not violently. Then he goes to sleep.

One day at a time.
But the battle is far from won. The demons he battles are still here. The damage still needs to heal.
He spasms and twitches and chants, and grunts and moans. He rocks. He does bang his head when frustrated or mad. Or sad.
But he does smile. And he does seem to enjoy his new freedom.



We have issues each day. I see glimpses of improvement too. This has been a really hard journey. It will continue to be a hard journey. I really need prayers for Sasha to continue to heal. To trust. To over come.

I need prayers also. To remember to be calm and full of grace
. I was not ready for the reality of how broken and damaged a child can become in 2 years . The battle to heal him.
I am a work in progress. God pushes us harder and harder so we HAVE to lean on him.
I have to lean. I cry, and I pray.

We have been here 7 weeks. I am SO TOTALLY tired and homesick. I want to hug ALL my babies.

Please advocate and pray for all the kids I posted about. They are all so deserving of getting a family and a chance at a real life!

Sorry for any errors, Im not spell checking or re reading. Too tired :)
xoxo